Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts: The Really Random Edition

Posted in Random Thoughts by

1. Three therapy sessions in, and I’m starting to forget why I’m in therapy. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. It makes me feel better; it’s just nice to have a space to spill for an hour.

2. Things making me pretty happy lately: Pittsburgh Penguins playoff hockey. My new pants.

3. One thing really making me unhappy lately: that I can’t seem to string together blog posts. It seems that my blogging is in a very unsustainable state at this point. Been here before, to be sure.

4. Mother’s Day for me was so-so. I managed to get a pedicure and do quite a bit of reading. (Current novel: NOS4ATU by Joe Hill.)

5. Joe Hill looks a lot like his father.

6. Need to get my hands on a non-fiction book next. Thinking of looking for Sugar, Salt, Fat at the library. Anyone read it yet?

7. The Ford Flex is a gas hog. This is not surprising.

8. I haven’t been crazy about much music in 2013 so far, but this is what I do like: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs new album Mosquito, and Vampire Weekend’s new single “Diane Young” (album due out today).


That’s all I got today. How about you?

Random Thoughts: The Breathless Edition

Posted in Random Thoughts by

Too much happening. I feel like I’m rushing toward something. I’m probably just trying to get to next week, when we’ll start all over.

1. M’s had diarrhea for more than a week now. God bless my in-laws who have had him yesterday and today.

No fever. Absolutely no loss of energy. Sleeping well, and taking nice naps. His appetite maybe isn’t up to snuff, but he’s kind of a picky eater anyway. He’ll pick at one or two meals, and then inhale All The Things. I have him on a very bland diet — bananas, rice, tofu, plain bread, yogurt.

I am really hoping things, er, solidify, so by tomorrow he can go back to daycare. Although, let’s face it, he probably picked this up there.

Sometimes, you can’t win.

2. Flora’s First Holy Communion is this weekend. What a lot of planning that has taken! Knock on wood, but we are all set except for ordering the cake.

I had a nightmare Wednesday morning that it was the Saturday of Flora’s FHC. We had completely forgotten to get a cake, and we were running late already. I got Flora to the event, which was set at my old grade school. At some point, the dream morphed into a war in which me and about six other people were defending the kids and families at the communion from attack. Instead of St. George’s cafeteria, we were in an apocalyptic landscape running for our lives from these mercenaries.

What, me worry?

3. Dan, on Tuesday, right before we walked into a car dealership showroom: “We’re not going to buy a car today.”

Four hours later, we signed the paperwork on this:

God bless my husband. He trusts me.

That nut.

4. I have to pick a dress to wear for Saturday. And pick something to wear to the Black Keys concert Tuesday. And pack for Kentucky that weekend. And pack bags for the kids to stay with Dr. Bro and his sainted wife (and their four boys). And buy a hat for the Kentucky Oaks.

Life is an adventure, people. You can either embrace it or suck it up, and sometimes, which just depends on the situation.

What’s next for you?

Random Thoughts: The It Was Good for Me Edition

Posted in Random Thoughts by

On Wednesday, I did three things that were very good for me.

1. I got up and worked out.

Full disclosure: I only got up because at 6-6:15 a.m., I wasn’t sleeping anyway. Kate had come into our bed about 20 minutes earlier and woke me up. On one hand, I didn’t want to leave my bed. On the other hand, Kate is not a cuddly or quiet sleeping companion. Finally, a few minutes after 6, I realized I would be getting up shortly anyway. May as well try to do something constructive with that time.

More disclosure: I would not rate it as one of my better attempts at working out. I’m still figuring out what is on my On Demand channels. I am looking for Pilates or upper body workouts that are under 30 minutes. I need to up my cardio, too, but for now I think I will try to walk/run more often, especially playing outside with the kids.

The real trick will be to see if I can make this a regular habit.

2. I went to my first therapy appointment.

Now, there’s a lot I can say about this, but I’m just going to highlight a few things.

First, I only cried twice. The first instance I teared up took me off guard. As I said at the time to the therapist (she’s a Licensed Counselor, not a Ph.D.), “And now I’m crying for some reason.” The second instance I had felt coming for a long time and I cried because I was able to finally, finally say something out loud in a safe space. It’s a terrifying admission (and, no, dear readers, I cannot as of yet confess it here), and I got to say it without repercussions. The tears were as much for the terror as for the relief.

Second, I asked about medication more out of curiosity than anything else. Medication would not be my first choice to deal with the things I am dealing with (an “overwhelming life” as one of my close friends put it later), but I wanted to know what the therapist thought. (I am going to have to come up with a name or initial to refer to My Therapist here… MT? LC?)

Paraphrasing: “I usually suggest medication when I don’t hear any hope. You don’t sound hopeless. You’ve described a very happy, full life. You recognize your blessings. You’re just having troubles with some very specific issues.”

I concur.

Third, she asked what I would change about my life, what would make it easier. I answered without hesitation, “Working part time.” So there you go.

We set up another time to meet, and we will probably meet every two weeks for a while. She also gave me homework (a writing assignment!), which I appreciate.

3. I got a haircut and style, for which I was overdue.

Every little bit helps.

++

With all that out of the way: What a week. My most sincere prayers go out to everyone affected by the tragedies in Boston and West, Texas.

What did you do that was good for you this week, readers?

Random Thoughts: The Little Earthquakes II Edition

Posted in Random Thoughts, RPM Rants by

1. A horrible, tragic thing happened in a city that I happen to love, at an event that had nothing to do with politics or government or anything, really, except for people’s love of running, and personal endurance and accomplishment. The facts are few, and are slowly trickling out, and will be slowly trickling out for days and months to come.

My thoughts and prayers are with every person affected by yesterday’s attack in Boston. What an awful, awful thing.

2. If you have a conspiracy theory about what happened in Boston, please do the world a favor, and shut the fuck up. And maybe have your head examined. I have no patience for you. You’re a terrible human being.

3. That’s my rant. Those are my two thoughts about the tragedy in Boston. It’s awful, and law enforcement should be left to do their jobs. The wild speculation from mainstream media is bad enough (talking heads: stop talking!), but the “false flag” theories that shoot up after something like this — those people should not be accredited any legitimate time or voice in our society, which is to say, don’t let them into press conferences.

4. In the meantime: Monday’s therapist appointment was canceled due to the therapist’s illness (which is fine; I hardly want to meet with a sick doctor!); it’s been rescheduled for tomorrow.

5. Dan and I need to buy a new car. Like, immediately. We’ve picked out some models we want to check out, and to be perfectly frank I would whore this blog out in a red hot minute to drive a Ford Flex. The logistics of the car-buying thing escape me, though. Can you buy a car over the Internet? Because that’s how I buy everything else these days.

6. Hey, WalMart? This is the stupidest thing ever to complain about after what happened to people in Boston yesterday, but it’s my space, so there ya go: The way your bagging area works doesn’t actually work. I abhor shopping at your stores anyway, and it’s always an act of the utmost desperation when I end up there. So to compound my unpleasant experience by having a bagging carousel where it is very, very, extremely easy to leave behind one (or more) of my purchases is infuriating. It’s insult to injury. Do something else.

Go find yourself some happiness today, readers. You all deserve it.

Random Thoughts: The Insert Blog Post Here II Edition

Posted in Parenting is Hard, Random Thoughts by

1. I want to write something, I really do.

2. I am so tired. For good reasons: Sick kids waking me, keeping me up. For a reason: Kate coming into bed with me for a week at 5 a.m. like clockwork. For no reason: 3:30 a.m. insomnia. String a couple of weeks together like this. You get a little zombified.

3. M wanted nothing to do with daycare this morning. Nope, no way, Jose, no thank you, NO NO NO. He didn’t want me to change his diaper; he didn’t want to put on clothes; he didn’t want to put on socks, shoes, or a jacket. He didn’t want to go outside; he didn’t want to go for a car ride with mommy. He wanted to bring ALL THE TOYS. (I let him bring a bag of Little People, although we had another meltdown when he had to leave them in the car.) He did not want to play with his friends, and he definitely didn’t want mommy to leave.

That was one of the toughest drop offs EVER.

4. Weekend: Housewarming party tonight (the girls and I are going); two birthday parties on Saturday (Kate’s friends, one at 11 a.m., one at 5 p.m.); a grown-up dinner out with friends on Sunday night.

I thought we “lost an hour” this weekend, but the time change is *next* Sunday at 2 a.m. So, uh, that’s good I guess.

5. I, in very basic terms, described sexual intercourse to Flora last night. I have got to stop letting her watch me change M’s diaper.

I don’t mind talking to my children about their bodies, or about how babies are made, or where babies come from. It’s just that I never *plan* these conversations. So while I’m thinking, “This is okay. You’re being a good mom for talking to her openly about this stuff”, I’m also simultaneously trying not to: a) hyperventilate, b) giggle, c) give Flora more information than she needs.

I’m patting myself on the back for stopping myself before I explained what an erection was.

6. We were listening to the radio on the way home last night, and NPR did a story about the passage of VAWA (THANK YOU, FINALLY, CONGRESS), and there was a clip of a woman senator (which, I’m sorry I can’t recall her name) who was very impassioned about including provisions for *all* women, and she mentioned rape. A couple of times. And I winced, but let it stand — didn’t go for the volume on the radio, or try to suddenly change the subject. Flora, glancing over at me after a moment of silence, said, “She used a bad word, didn’t she?”

I said, “No, she didn’t use a bad word, Flora. But she was talking about something very horrific.”

“What’s horrific mean?”

“I means something awful and violent.”

“Okay.”

And that conversation stopped there.

7. Gah, people. This talking to your kids thing is hard.

8. Speaking of Congress, and I will try to keep this as short as possible: Sequestration happens now, and I just — my head wanted to catch on fire whenever I heard members of Congress talk about it on the radio (which is where I get my news, I think I mentioned that recently) because instead of anything being solved or suggested by anyone (and I mean on either side of the aisle) it was a giant blame game, and I wanted to just yell.

Instead, I (and a lot of people like me, I’m guessing) will be holding my breath, waiting to see how directly this affects my life, and when.

What’s got you on edge this week?

Random Thoughts: The Insert Blog Post Here Edition

Posted in Random Thoughts by

1. This is where I would like to tell you everyone is 100 percent healthy! Back in school and daycare, and I am back at my desk 8 or so hours every day, and no more sickness, yay!

But since I can’t tell you that, let’s just move along, shall we?

2. At least *KNOCK ON WOOD* this week has come with 100 percent less vomit and diarrhea.

3. It also comes with a meal at Meat & Potatoes Wednesday evening in downtown Pittsburgh, courtesy of my mother turning another year older. Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you.

4. Flora and I high-fived over the fact that she is starting to learn multiplication.

5. After that homework high-point, last evening went all to heck. And I put everyone to bed at 7:30 p.m.

6. I am woefully out of touch with current events. I usually get my news on my commute or from Slate.com, which I gave up for Lent.

Yes, I gave up a website for Lent. It’s not so much the site itself, it’s the comment section. I can waste hours of time reading, commenting, and responding to other comments. Plus, sometimes, the subject matter of the article and/or the other commenters pissed me off. I’m better off. Although less informed.

I did hear about the Pope, though.

What else is happening, world?

Random Thoughts: The Norovirus Edition

Posted in Random Thoughts by

1. I thought the kids had the flu. Because I am confused as to what the flu is, obviously. They don’t have the flu; they have norovirus.

2. The difference between the flu and norovirus: the flu is more respiratory, includes coughing, runny nose, chills, aches, and fever.

The norovirus includes fever, diarrhea, and vomit. Lots and lots of vomit. Buckets of vomit. And the diarrhea can last up to two weeks!

Okay, probably not buckets of vomit. Buckets of *laundry* definitely.

3. Speaking of laundry, I forgot how much I hated laundry. I hate laundry so much, I created the #laundrysucks hashtag on Twitter. My MIL — who is in Florida until Saturday — is worth every penny we pay her monthly to do all our laundry. This week has been especially challenging laundry-wise because vomit.

4. I have changed all the beds, here and at my ILs house (more on that in a second). I have changed M’s crib at least five times since Saturday. I am washing most of the bedspreads and comforter covers as well. Plus my FIL’s electric blanket.

5. M started over the weekend — actually, probably toward the end of last week. One of his daycare ladies mentioned the frequency and consistency of his BMs when I picked him up (in short, often and not ideal). I forget which day he woke up in his own puke (again). Sunday morning I think? I knew we were in trouble when we walked into the donut place in Crafton, and M let go a stream of … well, I’ll spare you the additional details. It came out of nowhere; he had been quite cheerful up to that point. Suddenly he was shivering and felt warm to the touch (although still pretty cheerful).

6. Actually, M was probably the least affected, mood wise, of the three kids. He remained pretty energetic, although he took long naps; he was cranky I wouldn’t feed him, because duh; he didn’t get all glassy-eyed with fever. Trying to explain to a 2-year-old why he can’t have something to eat is the very definition of futility.

7. Flora succumbed next (Monday at 3:30 a.m. to be exact); Kate started Tuesday after school.

At my in-laws.

When I was trying to get laundry done.

8. My plan, since Flora seemed to not be puking any longer (HA! but I will spare you further details), was to pick Kate up from school, go next door with the kids, and let them watch TV while I cooked dinner and did laundry. When we got to Bella and Tadone’s house, Kate went into the bathroom and was spitting in the toilet. I asked what was up. She said her stomach hurt, and she was trying to “spit it out” to “get it over with”.

I so wish that had worked.

It didn’t. Hence why I had to change bed dressings (on *both* beds) at my ILs. And, er, I still have to steam clean their bedroom rug. That’s tomorrow’s project.

When’s the last time your best-laid plans went to hell?

Random Thoughts: The Boobs in Public Places Edition

Posted in Random Thoughts by

1. I found Beyonce’s Super Bowl half-time show to be yawntastic. I wanted to be impressed with her talent: she’s rich, she’s gorgeous, she’s a star, she’s married to Jay-Z, and has a lovely little baby girl with a cool name.

I found nothing titillating or compelling about her half-time show. I didn’t think what she wore was terribly revealing. I didn’t think what she did with her body (call it dancing if you want) was terribly suggestive. She didn’t sing that much either, which is what I really staying in the room for.

If one of my daughters had come into the room during the half-time show, I wouldn’t have rushed to turn it off. If anything, I think I would’ve pointed out the all-female band playing behind Beyonce. That was some cool shit. Alicia Keys and Jennifer Hudson were much better performers that night, in my opinion. And Alicia Keys looked fabulous in that dress. Mm, mm, mm.

Apparently, some people found the show to be “too sexy”, and some people think that being prudish about Beyonce’s sexiness is objectifying. It could be an interesting argument, I suppose.

2. Of course while everyone fights about Beyonce’s right to be a sexy as she damn well pleases, Mt. Lebanon Library wants a photographer to take down a picture he took of a building. Because it shows an image of a partially-clothed woman (i.e. one breast is exposed). (source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

My favorite thing about the angst at the Mt. Lebanon library is that’s it’s summed up with, basically, someone might make a joke about a bare breast. I’m of the mind that if they have art books, Fifty Shades of Gray, or anime, the library probably has plenty of sexytime stuff to go around. Are they seriously worried that someone’s going to protest a picture of a painted boob? REALLY?

I like Jane Pitt’s take on the whole thing. The comments are punny gold as well.

3. This morning, Kate whipped off her Batgirl nightshirt, stuck out her bony little torso, and declared, “Nipples!” Flora and I started giggling. Then we had this conversation:

“Mom, when you were little were your nipples fat?”
“Flat? Yes, everyone has flat nipples when they’re little kids.”
“No, FAT, fat nipples.”
“No. Momma has never had fat anything.”
“Now you have droopy nipples.”
“Yes. Yes I do.”

Thanks, breastfeeding!

4. And in the meantime, CBS, the network hosting the Grammy Awards on Sunday, has declared itself to be a stick in the mud vis-a-vis “excessive skin”. Snarky take on MamaPop here.

Two things: First, I am giddily excited to actually sit on my couch and watch the Grammys this year. Just about every artist I loved last year (and before) is up for some kind of award: fun., The Black Keys, Mumford & Sons, The Lumineers (great, great live show — very high energy), Alabama Shakes, and (my dirty secret) Rihanna. I’m in. I can’t wait.

Second, with the exception of Rihanna, I’m not sure I want to see excessive skin from any of those rock acts. No offense, Dan Auerbach. I’d rather just watch you play some guitar.

My guess is all this outrage about the degenerate effect that breasts in public have on the poor children is being ginned up by the GOP or the NRA. Let’s take the focus off the continuing dysfunction in Washington and the actual real danger that real guns pose to America’s youth.

Let’s flash some skin.

Random Thoughts: The Laundry List Edition

Posted in Random Thoughts by

Confession: I wanted to call this “Random Thoughts: The Penis Hurts Edition”. Just to see if my clicks from Twitter would spike.

1. Monday was not a good day. Michael woke up in a pool of his own vomit, Kate was *actually* sick (fever of 100.5).

2. I got home at 2 p.m. Michael was sleeping at my ILs; Kate was hanging out there. My ILs had errands to run, so Kate and I were pretty well stranded until M woke up.

3. M woke up at 2:30, crying. I went to get him. As soon as he saw me, he placed his hands over his (clothed, diapered) groin and sobbed, “Penis hurts.”

Now, no one wants to hear that.

4. When I changed his diaper, I could see why he peep would hurt. His scrotum looked very red and irritated, there was a red line on the underside of his penis. He had been having diarrhea on and off all day, so clearly, things were getting dire.

I called the pediatrician.

5. Upshot of ped visit: Ear infection (he’s had a cold for a little over a week now) (no fever), for which he would get oral antibiotics AND ear drops. The skin around his penis was irritated to the point of infection, so he gets a special cream for his special business too.

To review: M woke up in his own vomit, and his penis hurt. He’s living the life of a rock and roll musician. #precocious

7. M ***HATES*** medicine of any and all types. I have to burrito him for ear (or eye) drops, and it takes two of us for oral meds. Solutions (thank you, Twitter!): Applesauce, pudding, Sprite. ON IT!

8. Tuesday Flora woke up with a fever. Kate was better (temperature-wise), but cranky as all get out.

Flora had gotten up at some ungodly hour (are there really ungodly hours?), and, once she heard she’d be spending the day at Daddy’s office, was dressed and ready by 7:30 a.m. Bookbag, shoes and coat, lunch. Ready to walk out the door. I coulda killed her.

9. Today finds all the kids “healthy” if cranky (mostly Flora). It finds me needing to go a hundred different directions, and not one of them is to my bed with a book and a mug of hot chocolate, which I find massively unfair.

10. Rest of week: a violin concert at Flora’s school; the midnight showing of The Hobbit (oh, how I love my husband, clearly); M’s 2-year-old well child visit; my work Christmas luncheon. All before Saturday. This weekend, Dan and I are hoping to get the tree up, and I need to start wrapping gifts. Someone, come steal my children for a few hours? I’ll take them back, I promise!

What’s on your laundry list?

Random Thoughts: The But I’m Still Stressed Edition

Posted in 2012: Year of Change, Random Thoughts by

Thanksgiving was so, so nice. Dan, the children, and I drove up to my parents’ house Thanksgiving Day. It was 60 degrees and sunny. While M napped (or, more accurately, chatted to himself in the pack-n-play), my parents took the girls to the park. Dan and I read and napped, respectively. For dinner it was just the seven of us. Kate had turkey.

My mom had spent time earlier in the week preparing and baking, so the actual day was not spent in the kitchen. God bless her. I roasted some beets. Which Kate also ate.

That night, after all the kids were in bed, we adults played a game and drank wine. It was really low-key and lovely, and my mom got up with the kids the next morning, so going to bed at midnight wasn’t that painful for me. (I’m telling you, if my parents are any indication, not only do you need less sleep as you age, but you can also drink more — not like get trashed, but have more than two glasses of wine — and still rise with the sun and/or the grandchildren at 7:30 a.m. It amazes me. Maybe they get to nap, more, too though. That’s a possibility.)

We drove back to Pittsburgh on Friday, and spent two days cleaning and otherwise preparing for the kids’ birthday party on Saturday.

This is the first year we combined the kids’ birthday parties. Between the holidays and birthdays, November through January are crazy with gifts and parties and travel. In order to cut down on travel and expense, I threw one party the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It went swimmingly — more than swimmingly. (I, personally, feel it was a stroke of genius. My husband has reservations still. It was a shitload of work for nearly three days, I’ll give him that. And, as happens when we clean the whole house, our office, once more, is trashed.)

The other thing that is sticking with me (aside from the loveliness of a small gathering on a holiday, and the success of the party) is that my mom worries about me and my stress. She made the point a couple of times: So much stress is bound to have physical consequences. I agree with her, but I’m not really sure what else to do.

I see a chiropractor once or twice a month to help with back and neck issues (she’s *awesome*).

My biggest stress reliever used to be exercise. And I don’t get exercise any more. I’m in terrible shape. (We’ve been over this.) I would love my workplace to install a gym. I wonder if I can make that happen. Believe me, it’s the only way I would get regular exercise. I cannot get up any earlier, and the thought of trying to add a workout to the end of my day — stresses me out.

I still read, about 20 to 30 minutes a night. That helps me wind down a lot. Sometimes I catch some TV. I usually have a beer or a glass of wine.

I also, almost daily, have a cigarette. (Outside.) (This is not going to help my mother’s peace of mind.) I’m not proud of this fact. I’m struggling with it (as with so many other things.) But it’s something I do to destress. (I know, ironic.)

I’m not really sure what’s next, what else to try to change, what I’m going to do in the long run for my health.

This is where I am.